David Bazan is a Beautiful Heretic.
I have to give you some full disclosure here. I am writing this while listening to Wilco's excellent new album "Wilco, the Album" . Why? Because I needed a freaken break. Let me explain. For the past two days I was stricken with a flu so I've been preoccupied with that anyways, but I decided not to listen to any music at all because I was trying to get Bazan out of my head. I mean seriously. I would go to bed with Bazan in my head. I would wake up in the middle of the night with a Bazan melody in my head. The same song for hours, then it would change to a different song. It was driving me crazy. It wouldn't leave. So I finally caved after two days of torture and I listened to Fewer Moving Parts and Curse Your Branches in a row. Then I put Wilco on and started writing this article. Sigh. Sweet relief. The Wilco record is awesome. I love it. It's saving me from self-destruct right now. Ok. So maybe thats a little melodramatic but you get the idea. But back to the purpose of this article - to blather about Bazan.
Curse Your Branches is a dense, hypo-internally-critical journey. You must proceed with caution if you are a person of faith. The lyrics are rife with question after question after assertion after accusation regarding matters of faith. Pedro the Lion was seen primarily as a Christian band, and Bazan as a solo artist has gotten to a place where he feels his Assemblies of God upbringing simply doesn't make sense to him anymore. It's easy to see why. If you are raised in a hyper Christian environment, what are you going to do? You are going to rebel against it. And Bazan is no ordinary dissenter. He is a world class songwriter with a penchant for overly honest diatribes. Pedro has a near cult following. So it is no surprise to me that Bazans audience , from what I've read and seen, have been somewhat fragmented by this shift. He considers himself a non Christian at this point, an agnostic, and his wife of 9 years is still a believer. It's gotta make for some tense conversation, especially when your faith is being dissected in such a public forum. I am interested to see how this thing plays out over the years to come. With lyrics like
Wait just a minute
You expect me to believe
that all this misbehaving grew from one enchanted tree
And helpless to fight it we should all be satisfied
WIth the magical explanation for why the living die?
and
god bless the man who falls
god bless the man who yields to temptation
you are bound to get some reaction from people of faith. It continues on in When We Fell
if you knew what would happen and made us just the same
then you , my lord, can take the blame
and lastly,
when job asked you the question
you responded “who are you
to challenge your creator?”
well if that one part is true
it makes you sound defensive
like you had not thought it through
enough to have an answer
like you might have bit off
more than you could chew
Needless to say, this is pretty heavy stuff. it's direct, it's powerful and ..... it's how he really feels at this point.
So how has this affected me? Not how you might expect.
My faith has been bolstered by this music, gotten me out of my skin a little and forced me to examine some of the pertinent questions he raises in the album all the while making me glad I am not in his shoes in this regard. How is this possible you ask? Because I already went through this myself. Although I never quite divorced myself from it as he has, I certainly hit the wall a couple of years ago. I understand where he is at. I do think it is slightly absurd in some ways, and I will explain that a little later, but I will categorically say this music has had another effect on me. An unexpected one. For the first time as a musician, as a songwriter, I could hear my own voice. I don't know how to exactly explain this. Bazan's method and madness resonates with me on a musical and a lyrical/stylistic level that I did not expect. It's going to force me to push myself to a greater and higher level of being a songwriter. Jeff Tweedy often fills this space for me as well, except that we have a similar voice. With Jeff it's personal without being personal. It's occasionally revealing, usually endearing, and often poetic. But Bazan, at least on this one album, has done something else entirely; he has truly channeled himself into the songs. They are one and the same. They are personally written, totally connected to his personal state of being. They are also written (accidently I'm sure) in a very populist fashion. Anyone can relate to this loss of faith, Christian or no. It's a universal theme.
Don't get a fat head Dave. The chances of you catching that kind of lightening in the bottle twice are slim and none and slim left the building. Unless you happen to be Bob Dylan. And even he will admit he wasn't present for his mid 60's material, so powerful was the muse. That kind of momentary genius is rare. Catching it once is amazing. A gift. You might say divinely inspired. (wink wink)
It is my opinion that most bands have one song, have one lyric, and occasionally, that one album that fits into this category. I mean, even Brett Michael (Poison) wrote one good lyric -
every night has it's dawn
every cowboy
sings a sad sad song
every rose has it's thorn
That's pretty damn poetic isn't it? I won't drag out any of their other lyrics - it simply isn't worth the time. I made my point though. Really amazing bands might pull it off twice in a career. It just doesn't happen that often.
Ok, so the abrupt left turn back into the subject at hand. I did get the sense that Dave's loss of faith was a bit contrived, a bit disingenuous, and dare I say... predictable. I know, I'm treading on thin ice here, but I will explain myself. It's not that I don't think Dave is personally genuine or that it's some sort of farce - it's certainly not - but I think the cultural forces that drove many to these decisions (and let me say that I realize Dave's situation does not follow this exact narrative, but it does have elements of it from what I can tell) - overbearing Christian school experience, overbearingly "evangelical" parents, being generally sheltered, being a 'social' Christian, being a PK, booze, experiencing sex and drugs, simply growing up in the age of the iPod, being surrounded by people who think faith is stupid and illogical - are shallow, pathetic excuses to throw away 2,000 years of history, art, discourse and yes, faith simply because things don't seem to entirely "fit" or "feel" right. Let me be clear - we always need to follow our hearts - especially when you are a musician, painter or other artisan, the muse - the feeling - is incredibly important. it must be followed at almost all costs. Great art would not exist without it. Great science would not exist without it. The thing that gets me is how we (us americans - the 'west' in general) seem to forget that all of this ability to sit on our asses and contemplate the universe is a gift. We aren't out plowing fields for food and tending to firewood for heat. It's a bit callous to read a few things, listen to a few things and essentially say "the last 2,000 years of scholarship, research, academic pursuit and faithful plumbing of the depths of Christian thought essentially have no meaning because I had a few beers and most of the people I know are disconnected with faith and it just doesn't sit well with me" That's pretty lame. It's a well worn story isn't it? Boy grows up in a Christian family whose dad is a pastor. Boy moves to college. Begins to experience the "real world" and suddenly realizes that not everything is as he thought it was. He dabbles in this, he plunges into that. He starts to justify his actions by dismissing his heritage. They eventually get into drugs, alcohol, sex, you name it. They fall of the wagon. 20 years later they wake up and return to faith. After they finally realize that life without God isn't all it's cracked up to be either. It happens all the time. Maybe some do stick to their guns. It is difficult, after all, to admit you are wrong. (because who wants to admit that? Who has the balls?) The overriding message of Christian faith is that Jesus claimed "I am the way, the truth and the life". Choose well, because if you are wrong - you reject God in the most fundamental way. This isn't fear - this isn't a hammer over the head - it's a categorically correct statement. Guess what? He'll wait. In 20 years when you've had enough Dave - he'll be there. He isn't going anywhere. He's God. That is not supposed to sound like a challenge. It really isn't. I just wonder to myself.. "as keen and insightful as Dave is, didn't he see this coming?" I'm not saying you shouldn't struggle with the nature of truth - on the contrary - you should - but I also think that you should also be able to look at history, look at people's story and remember - "I'm not so different that I am not subject to the same forces". Speaking of history - I just think that people like this, throughout the ages - brilliant, brilliant people - should not be dismissed. Whom am I talking about? How's this for a list?:
Francis Bacon (1561-1626) became hugely influential regarding the scientific method
John Ray (1627-1705) did the foundational work in species classification
Louis Pasteur (1822-1895) was a renowned chemist, bacteriologist, invented vaccination, pasteurization, sterilization & immunization
Blaise Pascal (1623-1662) was a mathematician, hydrostatics and hydrodynamics pioneer, laid the foundations for conic sections, differential calculus & probability theory, invented the barometer
James Joule (1818-1889) electricity
Michael Faraday (1791-1867), was one of the great physicist/chemists of all time who helped developed electricity etc,
Adam Sedgwick (1785-1873). Sedgwick mapped more of the geological strata than any other person, and modern geology has accepted his ideas of periodic geological catastrophes
Sir Issaac Newton (January 1643 – 31 March 1727) does this guy need a description?
Galileo Galilei (15 February 1564 – 8 January 1642) or this one?
There are a lot of others. These were all scientists, geologists, inventors and .. people of specifically Christian faith. You cannot tell me that simply because we understand the natural world better that somehow we are smarter, more informed or more capable of seeing the truth of faith than these people. Giants. All of them. Some so giant that we literally owe the very way we see the universe to their insight. So many of Newtons and Galileo's ideas have been proven by "modern science" that they are scientific canon. These were some incredibly smart people.
You can argue that you are struggling with the nature of how the Christian faith fits into modern day society - sure. You can argue that the world today is incredibly more complex then it ever has been and that faith seems to be becoming an illogical choice for many. I can agree with that. You can struggle with the nature of truth and place of scripture as a valid signpost in life. I can acquiesce to these these things. You can argue that your parents, however well intentioned, failed to remember what they were like in their teenage years and in their twenties and rammed way too much theological crap down your throat. You can argue that you were missing an entire side of life you didn't know existed, That the complex struggles did not come with ready made easy answers spelled out in sunday school. True enough. Faith is, and has always been, a struggle of the mystical over the practical. Between the metaphysical and the morass of experience. That will never change. The very fact that we struggle with the same problems, questions, and issues as people always have throughout time should tell you something though. How do I know they dealt with the same faith issues?
As I was driving to Baudette one time to visit the folks. I managed to find a radio station up north that was, bizarrely enough, rebroadcasting an entire day from 1944 in real time. Talk radio - news, music. Everything. I listened for about 2 hours and literally almost forgot what year it really was. it was amazing. You know what I heard? it was exactly the same kind of news we hear today. Roosevelt did this, the Democrats disagreed with it. The Republicans made a move to do something else. Public opinion was split. It was eerie. Downright spooky. There are still reading from that same script. Nothing has changed.
There is nothing new under the sun. If Jesus is Christ, then there is indeed an enemy as well. We keep remembering to question God but we always forget to wonder what the devil is up to. Why is that?
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
(from the movie the usual suspects)
You can be sure that there is a narrative to life. There are a lot of legit questions. I agree. I do not think the answers we've been spoon fed by the "church" are always right. But I also believe that we have giants of science, philosophy, theology, political leadership and history itself to help us take heart that despite the mystery that surrounds, you don't have to throw your brain out the window to follow Christ. Do I have all he answers? Absolutely not. Does Dave bring up some damn good questions? Of course he does. I would completely agree with Dave's quote from Chicago Reader (article by Jessica Hopper):
"The last 30 years of it have been hijacked; the boomer evangelicals, they were seduced in the most embarrassing and scandalous way into a social, political, and economical posture that is the antithesis of Jesus's teaching."
how can anyone argue with that? it's the truth. So do you throw the whole thing out the window? Or do you wipe the slate clean and re-approach?
At the end of the day, I would quote Dave two things:
tonight I'll sing my songs again,
I'll play the game and pretend.
But all my words come back to me in shades of mediocrity
Like emptiness in harmony I need someone to comfort me.
and
through a darkened mirror i have seen my own reflection
and it makes me want to be a better man
after another drink
god bless the man at the crossroads

